My first Post!

i was able to have lunch with three patients and the physiotherapy assisstant today. It was great, one of the patients, David(*names have been changed), was very excited to be eating at the restaurant and he started to make jokes about how he wanted to bring the food home and show the other patients that he had been to Nando's, i laughed along with him but in retrospect, he was fitting a mold that I have a hard time seeing Blacks fulfill, that of an entertainer. The other volunteers had a picnic for some of the patients at the same time that we were leaving for the lunch, and what struck me most was a poignant moment when Angela* took Nick* aside and covered him properly with his bathrobe, he is a beautiful young boy and she reminded me so much of a loving mother....I am overcome with emotion just writing this. It is at times like these that i feel so proud to be given the opportunity to just Be among these people who have lost so much and yet are so willing to give of themselves be it a smile or a handshake. It is also at these times that I realize how detached I have become to my Blackness, more specifically my Africanity. It is sooo hurtful when I am being spoken to in Zulu and i have to say to them no I do not speak. I feel like those 'stupid Americans" who are always so oblivious to what is going on around them. the only difference is that now, I am one of those stupid Americans. I feel soo helpless, so unuseful, if that is even a word, there is no hot water, there has been none for the past week that I have been here and all i can do is organize movie nights and family weekends. Like the senior nurse said, 'my patients need basic needs" and i cannot even provide one of those. Yet I am making strides, I have began to remember names and the patients are beginning to recognize my face. That gives me some sense of achievement. There are alot of things at this Center that are far from "hollistic" but that is for another blog as there is a line to use the computer. I hope I have shed light on some things. i will elaborate even more on the issues that i brought up tonight at a later date. good night.

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